A Poem Written After a Bad Night in June 2021

I have never much liked thinking

About parallel universes.

Order is so tempting

When faced with

The terror of chance. 

It is easy to believe that

We are the result

Of one special

Sperm,

That our happiness

Is not dependent 

On two people

Swiping right,

On our bodies

Not manifesting

An error.

I almost died tonight. 

You can assume I’m

Telling you this for

Attention.

I broke two nails

On my left

Hand

When I threw my

Purse across

The room

And I almost

Broke my right

Hand after punching

Myself in the 

Head.

Right now I’m reading 

A book

On my headphones,

Starring at my 

Reflection

In my front window.

The water bottle 

I carry with me 

Everywhere now has two large

Dents.

After hitting myself in the

Head a few times,

I moved on to smashing my 

Water bottle against

The floor.

I consider this

Important progress. 


A Poem Centered on Fetish

It is so interesting, 

The modern fusion of electronics

And cum. 

Cell phone screens and

VHS tinted 

Hands.

It is so strange, hearing

Another woman 

Calling Amanda Nunes,

“Fat,”

For being 145 pounds. 

Amanda Nunes, quantifiably

The greatest MMA athlete

Of all time. 

Sure, it is her opponent

Calling her fat.

But still.

Earlier today I was watching

Very good porn, 

Though now I don’t 

Even remember

Exactly what

The scene 

Was.

Probably a girl

Licking another

Girl’s asshole

Or a girl wanting

To touch her cock

While another

Girl restricted

Her ability to

Do so. 

I couldn’t help but think

Of other fetishes our 

Culture has.

The mother who buys

True crime magazines

For her autistic son,

The mother who is

Afraid of her

Violent son

Who is probably just

Autistic and

Abused.

I am sitting here

In my chair 

In my room at 

My own mother’s

House.

I am taking a break from

Reading

But still listening

To sad, lyrical and mid-tempo

80’s and goth metal ballads. 

I can’t help but think about

All of the pain in this room,

Listening to so many of the same

Songs or the same style

Of songs. 

I started boxing when I was 13

And shortly after turning

14 had bulked up to about 180 lbs.

My coach started making fun of me,

Saying I was far too heavy

To fight.

Years later, after getting up

To 270 lbs, everywhere

I saw him around town

He would continue 

To make fun of 

Me for being

Fat.

Even in my 20’s I was too

Scared to buy a heavy

Bag for my backyard. 

It is so easy

To believe people who

Say you are

Wrong.

But then I bought

A heavy bag and

Started training

By myself.

And having

Fun.

It surprises me that I miss

My parents house

When I’m staying

With my partner.

My desktop computer,

My music collection

And my lamps.

Some people might say I’m afraid

To leave the sites of my pain behind.

I’m not afraid of them,

Anymore.

Thursday Simpson is from Galesburg, Illinois. She is a writer, musician and cook. Her music is available on Bandcamp and major streaming platforms under her band name, The Bluegrass Pornstars. Her full publication history can be found at www.thursdaysimpson.com and her twitter is @JeanBava

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